Jealousy, Anger, Out Of Control

Jealousy, Anger, Out Of Control:

     So, as to continue from my last blog post where I spent most of the time "complaining" about how I was feeling about not being able to be pregnant or have a baby biologically. Well, I am still struggling but that's ok...

     On Sunday, my dad preached about Joseph and his brothers; well, mostly his brothers. Joseph was his father's favorite son. He, in my mind probably got what he wanted, probably was able to be a little slack on his chores, maybe got extra desert. I don't know; but I do know that Joseph had something that his brothers long to have/be. So, what did his brothers do? Plotted to kill him and blame it on an animal. They took off his coat and tore it. They ended up selling him as a slave. Now, they did this because they were jealous-very jealous. That led to anger-killing him/selling him. They had lost control. 

       Now, this relates to me how? Well, everything is the same. I am so jealous of people who get to have babies. Yes, I am SOOO happy for them. I think it's a beautiful thing to have a baby. That's why I am jealous. I have recently been dealing with the anger section of this little trio. I just fly off the handle and everything thing. Resenting people along the way. I treat my husband, kids, parents, and siblings with disrespect all because I can't keep it together. I am angry. I am not angry at God; I am angry because I am not in control what my body/Ryan's body can do. Thankfully, I haven't lost control yet. 

       God has given my family the best gift ever. We are able to help children have homes. Homes that may last a week, a month, or forever! Why should I be angry? I am so blessed beyond words. Now, see this three thoughts: Jealousy, Anger, Out Of Control are complete opposite of the Fruit of the Spirit. I need to remember that God has given me an opportunity to share The Fruit of The Spirit with children everyday! Get it together Holly! 

       Thanks so much for reading! Hope this time was little better than last. Please continue to pray for our family and my Fruit of The Spirit showing!